Finding Awareness

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ― Rumi

The “Box”

on 02/27/2014

I have in my possession a box. This box holds what few memories I chose to keep while growing up. It has traveled with me for years and I’ve gone a decade without actually opening. 

So, I pulled out “The Box” to dig around for writing ideas for one of my classes. It was as I pulled each scrap of dot matrix printed paper out, each unicorn adorned notebook and each faded ink scribble that I found the letter.


It’s the letter I wrote to myself in 1988 with the envelope informing me, “Open April 19, 1998.”

I thought this letter had been lost years ago!  I had thought about it often and always wondered what happened to it.

All I can say is that it was meant to be found NOW and not back in 1998.

I opened it up and read it outloud to Charles. 
Let me tell you, it was very sad, the things I had to say to  my future self.
But what is really cool is how everything I wished for my future self in 1998 (when it comes to love, at least) has totally come true; but in 2014 instead.

The line that struck me the most, “Sometimes I get so lonely that I want to sleep with somone just to have a warm body near.Beause I know that, even in that short time, someone wants me for something.” 

I was 17 when I wrote that letter, living in my car, and trying to graduate High School. I didn’t date. I wasn’t popular. I was pretty much the person you never actually noticed. (Like a Gray Man in Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time series!)

Talk about taking a walk down memory lane.  


3 responses to “The “Box”

  1. ulrichvb says:

    It’s kinda cool to have your very own time capsule. The Kitteh I know has never been a “grey man” and I hope never will be again. I’m incredibly happy for you and Charles, you both deserve the best.

  2. sayre says:

    You’ve definitely come a long way from that sad and lonely 17 year-old. I cannot imagine you being not noticed or fading into the background. You should be very proud of the woman you’ve become. You are smart, beautiful and infinitely loved.

  3. Kitteh says:

    Thanks you two. People will always surprise you. I also don’t come across as the type who would let a man lay hands on me, but when I was younger, I did. You’d never think that of me know. Gotta love life’s lessons.🙂

    I went through all of that, so that I could be where I am today. Happy, healthy and well loved.

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